


Drowning

by MovingOn1 (orphan_account)



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:14:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26712754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/MovingOn1
Summary: Mickey has a lot of self loathing, and issues with himself. Including body image issues. So much so he becomes bulimic. But he can't hide this from Ian for long. Ian is determined not to give up on Mickey-and to help him heal.
Relationships: Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	Drowning

Mickey wasn't sure when it started. If it was at the start of him fucking with Ian-or one of the times he had been arrested, and sent to jail? He knew that jail wasn't helping with wanting to eat-or keep the food down. A part of him knew this had nothing to do with Ian, but more so the deeply rooted homophobia he had always felt. Especially about himself. 

He was pretty sure that started when Terry had caught him as a middle schooler, looking at dirty magazines of gay men. Terry Milkovich flipped on that one, all right. And gave a beating that had left hidden scars all over Mickey's body.

Then it continued with his brothers comments towards homosexuality. His father's also. Not to mention the kids he used to hang out with at school would be quick to beat up the gay kid. Yeah, no thank you. It was better to remain _way_ the fuck back in the closet where it was safe.

They sure as hell didn't have the Gallagher's lifestyle-free to be whoever you wanted to be. Ian had no _idea_ how fucking _lucky_ he was for that. And it kind of pissed Mickey off. More than a little.

Sometimes, after eating he would start thinking about sex. Sex with men always appeared, making him want to throw up. Finally he did. It was good to lose weight, after all, especially in prison. He wanted to be fit, so he wouldn't be anyone's bitch. 

The throwing up thing was just a gradual thing. He even kept it from Mandy. And he _especially_ kept it from Ian.

Until one day when Ian came back to the house, because he forgot his backpack.

* * *

Ian would remember that day for as long as he lived. How he kept on hearing gagging in the Milkovich bathroom. He was hesitant, unsure of overstepping boundaries.

Quietly he knocked, and found that the door hadn't been latched.

Slowly he stared at Micky Milkovich-who was bending over a toilet. With fingers in his throat, as he looked up.

" _Fuck_ ," Mickey hissed, as he took out the fingers. Ian's face had paled, and he remained frozen in place.

"How...how long, Mickey?" Hurt was locked in him, and Mickey swallowed.

"I can...explain, Gallagher."

"Explain _what_?!" Ian cried out, as he stormed out of the room, trying to catch his breath. "Explain you fucking _throwing up on purpose_?!"

Mickey was anxious as he hurried over to Ian.

"Come on, Gallagher! It's not a fucking big deal!"

"No?" Hurt haunted Ian's eyes as he stared at Mickey. "Knowing what you know about my _parents..._ why wouldn't you _think_ that I wouldn't want to know about this? Or that it wouldn't be a big deal?"

"Come on, man," Mickey scoffed, with an eye roll. "It's _not_ that big of a deal! It's not like fucking addiction, or mental health."

Ian looked at him, in shocked dismay.

"But it is!" He bellowed, looking helpless. Especially at Mickey's confused face. "You are _addicted_ to making yourself throw up! And why do you throw up? Because what...you...you fucking hate yourself, or something? THAT'S fucking mental health, Mickey!"

* * *

Milkovich blinked, his head swarming with information. he had always been slow to process new things, and never knew why.

He swallowed, and sat down.

"I didn't mean to keep this from you."

Breathing heavily Ian sat next to him.

"I...I get that. But...Do you see why I could have helped you out?"

Mickey let out a defeated sigh.

Maybe it was just better to play along. He still didn't understand everything.

"Yeah."

"You...you need _help_ Mickey."

Mickey snorted.

"Lots of people hate themselves, Gallagher. That doesn't mean I need a fucking, goddamned, doctor."

But Ian looking at him with such pain, and betrayal, made Mickey change his tone.

"I'll...I'll stop, okay? I promise."

"Promise me you'll get help." Ian's voice was soft, but firm. Mickey knew what this was. An ultimatum. 

Swallowing he nodded, and grabbed a beer.

"Yeah." Another nod. "Yeah, fuck it. I'll fucking get some help, okay?"

Ian nodded, and leaned against Mickey. And it was then Mickey realized he had to try his best not to let Ian down. And not to screw this up


End file.
